Misunderstandings

One of the many disadvantages of living in a country where I don’t speak the language is that inevitably there are going to be misunderstandings. This doesn’t necessarily mean that all of them are bad or detrimental…on the contrary, some of them can be quite hilarious. Thankfully for me, I have enough people around me who do speak the language, so I find that misunderstandings are few and far between…thus far.

I’ve been in the country now for about 12 days. In the morning, it is quite common for people to greet each other with ‘Tsao’, which is short for ‘Tsao An’, or ‘good morning’. The girls and I, in trying to blend as much as possible, greet people in this same manner. In some department stores, restaurants, and other places of business, they say ‘Good Morning’ in English. However, I found that the way that they say ‘Good Morning’ was very nasily and sounded as if one would mimic a child, ‘Good moah-neeeeeeeng’. Additionally, I found that this nasily greeting tended to follow the girls and throughout the day. We’d go into a store around 4pm after school and be greeted in this same way, ‘good moah-neeeeeng’. I found it very funny that the Taiwanese people, in trying to greet the girls and I in English would choose a phrase that is not necessarily appropriate for the time of day. Each time we would walk in and hear this greeting, the girls and I would secretly giggle to ourselves. I have been tempted a few times to correct people, but I have felt it would be rude unless someone asked.

Last night, Terry and I took the girls to a nice Italian restaurant which happens to be 3 doors away from our apartment, Café Grazie (which was pretty good and inexpensive…more on that later). We were greeted in the same way, and the girls and I began to giggle. When Terry asked us what was so funny, I told him our ‘inside joke’. Then Terry started to laugh hysterically at us. When I say laugh at us, I mean specifically laugh AT us and not WITH us. At my confusion, amidst tears of laughter, Terry informed me that it was the girls and I who misunderstood, and not our Taiwanese greeters.

It turns out that the nasily greeting I heard as ‘Good moah-neeeeeeng’ was in fact ‘Hao Gualien’, which means ‘Welcome’!!!!!!! I couldn’t believe it! Again, this reminds me of how naïve and egocentric I can be. Imagine that, 2 weeks here and I didn’t realize that I was being welcomed! Well, at least this misunderstanding was benign. Others have not been as benign.

While this week has been very mild in terms of temperature, last week was rather hot and humid, with the weather being in the mid-high 80’s with VERY high humidity. The girls get out of school at the hottest point of the day, around 3pm. It gets tiring and hot for them to walk to the MRT (subway) station and then the 3 blocks home. I’ve discovered that there is a bus stop rather close to our home, and I thought it would be quite an adventure to take the girls on the bus, even though it’s only 3 blocks. I thought it would save their little legs a bit to take a break.

Last Friday, October 2, when we got off the MRT, the strategy was to find the first bus available, as they all go down the same road towards our apartment. We found a rather large looking bus, which at first glance looked like a tour bus; however, it had a number like all the other buses, and we saw people from all walks of life boarding, so we thought it would be fine. As we approached the bus and prepared to board, the bus driver looked at me and said something rather stern in Mandarin. Then, he shook his hands at me in such a way that I was to believe he would not let me on the bus. When I tried to push it, he became more stern with me. I can’t begin to describe the humiliation and embarrassment I felt at being treated this way, in front of my children nonetheless! It left me speechless and I wasn’t sure what to tell the girls. As I wondered out loud why he would not let us on the bus, it was Brianna who read my mind and asked out loud ‘is it because you are white’? What was I to say? I have to admit that was the first thing that crossed my mind, yet it was counter to the treatment the girls and I have had since our arrival. We’ve had nothing short of open arms since our arrival, and everyone we’ve greeted have been quite sincere and eager to help. I wasn’t certain what to say.

We eventually did find a bus to take us home, which worked out fine. Our apartment is just 2 stops away, which will save our legs a bit, but given the traffic and street lights, I don’t think we’ll be saving much time. The rest of the day; however, I felt stung and had a difficult time letting it go. I kept thinking to myself, if I’m annoyed and still stung at not being let on the bus, I wonder how minorities must have felt in the USA as few as 50 years ago in being treated the same way? I wonder if it still occurs today? I have to imagine that there remain parts of the world which remain still divided? Do they feel the same way I do? Do they feel the humiliation and embarassment I felt, or do they feel frustration? Like most in the USA, I studied the civil rights movement in school and I can recite all the important events and figures such as Martin Luther King Jr. and Rosa Parks, etc.; however, until that moment, these had simply been facts and historical figures I had recited. I have never felt a more powerful connection to something so important. It was like getting slapped in the face, feeling stung as I did and not knowing how to respond. What a brand new perspective I had...and not in a good way.

While I carried the sting of rejection with me all day, as with most things, it faded over the coming days. Yesterday, October 6, I met a friend who graciously agreed to help me find a Mandarin program which would suit my needs. While eating the BEST American breakfast I had had yet, I recounted the events of last week to my friend. She was just as shocked as I was, as she could not imagine someone from her home country treating us this way. She asked me some very specific questions so that she could better understand the events which led up to our rejection. When I explained what the bus looked like, a wave of relief washed over her face. She asked me to confirm that the bus we tried to board looked like a tour bus. I explained that it was a 2-decker bus, like those I had seen weaving through the streets of Taipei all week.

She explained to me that what had looked like a major rejection was actually an act of kindness (although the driver could have been MUCH less stern about it!). It turns out that the buses which are 2-deckers and look like touring buses are COMMUTER buses. Apparently, much like the Bay Area, there are many people who commute into Taipei from the surrounding rural parts. These touring buses are like the buses in CA which take commuters from Modesto into the Silicon Valley. The driver wouldn’t let us on as he could very well tell that the girls and I did NOT belong in the rural parts surrounding Taipei. Can you imagine what would have happened if we did get on the bus and couldn’t exit? I can just see the panic and anxiety in all of our faces as the bus would have travelled outside our protected little bubble of metropolis!

I felt relief that my intuitive feeling of the Taiwanese people remains in tact. That moment made me realize that learning and conquering the language is as high a priority as ever. Thankfully, there are a few programs here which provide exactly the intensive Mandarin study I am looking for. I am still surprised at how many westerners reside in Taiwan who do not learn the language. Then again, I don’t wish to be harsh or judgmental. There are certainly enough people who speak a bit of English that it is quite possible to live here, get around, and do the necessary domestic duties without learning the language. However, that defeats the goals which my family set out for ourselves in agreeing to move here.

I am quite relieved that I have help to navigate my way around, not just geographically, but through life in general. It helps to keep any loneliness and thoughts of missing CA at bay.

Thank you to Judy and Terry for helping to keep my mind open and helping me realize that there is still so much I don’t know.